Dont read this one , u will not get it

I dont know what am i going to write , but still i will.
I really hate the feeling of coming back from lab , willing to relax on Gol C, but not having anyone with me and when i see people enjoying i feel more desprate.
Read J's blog abt friends and realized at this point of time i too dont have anyone whom i call a "friend".There are poeple with whom i work , with whom i joke, with whom i fight and with whom i go to chedies but still there is a void somewhere.
Sometimes i feel really lonely and feel like there should be someone who can understand me, who can give his/her shoulder to rest my head upon and can patiently listen to the agony of my heart.however there is only one person in the world who can do this, my mom, but she is rather too far ,too busy in her daily chores and i really dont want to disturb her...
the only thing left with me right now is by blog which obediently listens to me but i dont think that i like other people can manage it this way....i am rather desparte to have love showered upon me...but this is the reality and i will have to live it.
i really hate coming back from Gol C..

current muisc:Robbie Williams -Feel(becuz its goes with me right now)
Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given

I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don't understand

I just want to feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste

I don't want to die
But I ain't keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I'm preparing to leave her
I scare myself to death
That's why I keep on running
Before I've arrived
I can see myself coming

I just want to feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
And I need to feel real love
And a life ever after
I cannot give it up

I just want to feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
I got too much love
Running through my veins
To go to waste

I just wanna feel real love
In a life ever after
There's a hole in my soul
You can see it in my face
It's a real big place

Come and hold my hand
I want to contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given
Not sure I understand